let’s talk about my project this time.

it’s a maintenance task where i need to modify a stored cobol procedure being called by a java button. this validates the input then group them. my revision is to validate the region and instead of separating the region, i need to save the region as region. wat?? enough of that coz i know most of you are planning to strike the back button up there or worse, close the entire window. please no.

so what’s that region ba na I’m referring to? example, calabarzon (my region) has many points like cavite, laguna, batangas, rizal, and quezon. so if the input is manila to calabarzon, the old system makes it manila to cavite, manila to laguna, up to manila to quezon. so after my changes, it should be manila to calabarzon. period. o malinaw na. sya sige tuloy na natin.

but it is not as simple as that. coz when the program encounters new region, it should create a new row in different tables. the key created should be used in the lanes file. so in testing i need to have regions that is not yet existing in the database. aba malay ko ba sa geography ng amerika! so to zap things up, i planned to delete the existing data in their test database (thus making the record not existing) then presto!

here’s how i delete records.. i need to get the key using this query then delete the rows that matches those keys in the database. here’s the query:
select a.key1
  from keyTable a
     , regionTable b
     , pointsTable c
     , pointsTable d
     , pointsTable e
where a.key1 = b.key1
   and b.key1 = c.key1
   and b.key1 = d.key1
   and b.key1 = e.key1
   and c.key2 = <constant here>
   and d.key2 = <constant here>
   and e.key2 = <constant here>
   and current date between c.startDate and c.endDate
   and current date between d.startDate and e.endDate
   and current date between e.startDate and f.endDate
with ur;

nosebleed? sige sample muna. dahil 3 lang ung pointsTable above so kunyari 3 lang ang points sa calabarzon. say cavite, batangas, quezon. so dapat cabazon? howel, heres the concrete data:
keyTable.key1    = 4a
regionTable.key1 = 4a (stands for calabarzon)
pointsTable.key1 = 4a (stands for calabarzon)
pointsTable.key2 = c1 (kunyari cavite)
pointsTable.key2 = b1 (kunyari batangas)
pointsTable.key2 = q1 (kunyari quezon)

then run the following:
delete from keyTable a where a.key1 = <nakuha na key>;
>> will delete 4a in keys
delete from regionTable a where a.key1 = <nakuha na key>;
>> will delete calabarzon
delete from pointsTable a where a.key1 = <nakuha na key>;
>> will delete cavite, batangas, quezon

sample:
delete from keyTable a where a.key1 = 4a;
delete from regionTable a where a.key1 = 4a;
delete from pointsTable a where a.key1 = 4a;

but deleting the record is not as simple as delete from table1 where column 1 = condition. their database is the most inconsistent and chaotic i’ve ever seen (weh, its my first job and this is my first client assignment so malamang wala ako point of comparison). imagine calabarzon having multiple entries in their database? say theres calabarzon1 to calabarzon100. with the same points lang naman. i even found a test data with 1640 entries in the region table. that sucks! nde ko na marecall ung cascading delete (that is if tama ba concept ko nun) or delete using left join. college junior pa lang ako nun. nyay.. its been 3 years already! i’m getting older.

wala na atrasan to. delete na kung delete.. kaya gumawa ako ng program. adik! adik! adik! adik! i created a cursor then those keys (calabarzon1 to calabarzon1640) will be saved and fetched 1×1. then delete them in those tables! puff! wala na! but my another concern is there will be test refresh this weekend. test database will be cleared and all data from production will be transferred from test. data in prod is as chaotic as test. so i need to delete again by monday. adik! adik! adik!.. waaah. ayaw ko na! waaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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cross posted to
http://marcvillalva.multiply.com/journal/item/40

this is my first post outside pinas. whoa! isnt that cool?

got some cool and not so cool things in my mind right now but i dont know how to start. ummm. well. hahaha. ive been longing to update my blog and now im speechless? whatttaa!!

its cold… lakas ng aircon sa tapat ko e. yeah, there’s no snow in here right now but its freaking cold outside lalo na sa umaga at sa gabi. weee.. i should have bought many sweaters. hehe. astig. i can wear sweaters and jackets here anytime of the day without worrying na papawisan ako and all. sa pinas i just usually wear them as fashion statement, i mean, pang mix and match para nde obvious na iilan lang ang formal clothes ko.

haay.. if there’s one thing na super nanghinayang ako, that is wala akong cam. turista na kung turista, bano na kung bano pero promise.. i really enjoyed my first, second and third plane ride. haha.. well. it all happened in one day (i think pero im not sure since pabalik ang travel ko at against the time zone so nde). 6:30 am sa pinas ako umalis then i was in arkansas at around 9:30pm. kung may 13 hours difference then lampas isang buong araw akong nagbyahe. though matagal ang stop sa HK at sa LA. pero enjoy talaga kasi dun sa 3 plane, lagi ako window seat. wow. i love the view and i love the clouds. ang haba ng segue ko no.. haha.. that is why nanghinayang ako na wala ako cam kasi if meron malamang andami ko kuha ng maliliit na bahay, kotse and the clouds.. yeah, they look better pag mas mataas ka sa kanila. tsaka yung hotel where i stay now, ansarap angkinin. haha. ansarap magphotop at ipagmalaki na ‘ei ya know wat??! im staying here for one week!’. hahaha.. angas!

my phone.. sadness. later ko lang nalaman na nde pala triband ung phone ko that’s why wala ko signal sa nakaactivate ko na sim for roaming pagdating sa US. well nung nagstopover sa hongkong nakapagtext pa ako sa kapatid ko at sa kay tootooot hahaha. pero pagdating sa LA (my point of entry, change plane din from cathay pacific to american airlines) wala na ako signal. tsk. nde man lang kasi ako nagresearch. well.. inactivate ko ung roam ko 3hrs before i left the philippines. tapos not all unit pala will work in US. now im looking for a possible solution.

my new working environment. nosebleed! haha. syempre everyone else is spokening dollar at ako may bahid na piso ang aking ingles! hahaha. well.. i dont have a choice, i need to talk to them or else baka isipin talaga nila na anti social ako. haha. buti na lang may ilang pointwesters din dito na pwede ko kausapin ng tagalog. yeah. but there are lots of cute americans, latins, and indians here. haha. iwas nga lang sa iba kasi you know.. nosebleed ka na nga sa english nosebleed ka pa sa amaoy. hahahaha. pero one thing is very obvious, our client’s office is very different from the working envt of ptc. sa pinas, pwde ka magpetix na nde ka masyado nahihiya sa tao sa paligid, dito mapahikab lang ako titingin na ako sa paligid kung may nakakita.

what else.. umm.. mahal ang kahit ano. well, they say some of them are normal pero my rule is never convert its value sa peso kasi manghihinayang ka talagang bumili. like pinas mura na ang mcdo. dito mura din pero di sing mura sa pinas. pero ang pinakaunang fast food na try ko sa US at sa HK ay burger king. haha. mas mahal sa HK kesa US o maybe because sa airport kasi ng HK kami kumain kaya naturalmente mahal. oh wait, i have to say na ang gara ng airport sa HK, wala panama ang LAX at NAIA! Got some HK dollars pa with me. kewl!

its getting longer now pero i want to share this. i was here with my disabled officemate. from our flight hangang dito sa hotel. ako nagassist sa kanya. grabe. im trying talaga to be patient pero minsan nasusungitan ko sya. i remember saying to him na "grabe, may alalay ka talaga noh?" o diba… so rude! so bad! wala talaga akong pusong mapagkalinga. haha. pero naman kasi, basta. mahirap ba magplease at kelangan ba ako lagi ang dahilan pag gagawa ng excuse? howel, maybe im just taking this too personal at sentimental. sabagay, sanay ako na magisa and my setup now is super layo sa selfish world ko. hahaha. masama talaga ugali ko. pero promise, mabait ako sa mabait saken. minsan nga iniisip ko na instead of thinking na burden to dapat isipin ko na nakakatulong ako sa kapwa. naks! hahaha.. not so me. pambihira! i need to get use of this setup kasi sino sino pa ba magtutulungan kundi kami kaming mga pinoy. naks ulet. *choke*

ummm.. few things pero bulleted na lang
* may free breakfast sa hotel, ang ginagawa namin kuha kami ng madami tapos pasok namin sa room, ung half is for breakfast pero ung half baon sa lunch. tipid. pero 2nd day pa lang nagsawa na ako. hahahaha. we stopped.
* 5th night ko na sa hotel na to pero now ko lang nalaman na may pc pala sa baba. well, may connection din kami sa room pero wala naman kasi ako dala laptop. im planning to grab one pero wala ako pera.
* malamig talaga. bwisit na aircon. nakaundershirt lang ako
* sabi nung mexican sa airport (ground staff ng cathay) na nagtulak nung wheel chair nung kasama ko nde daw ako mukhang pinoy, siguro kasi nistereotype nya na ang mukhang pinoy ay mukha ni pacquiao. ung kasama ko mukhang pinoy pero sabi nya mukha daw ako argentinian. waaat?????? teka ok ba ang argentian? is that a compliment? umm.. sige na nga
* anlamig na ng paa ko
* andami walmart sa AR. bawat kanto meron.
* puro yellow ang ilaw dito, akala ko nakakhaki ako na pants, lunch ko na nalaman na nakawhite pala ako. super salamin pa ako nung umaga. putek. nde pa naman maganda ang fit nung white pants ko. kaya pala parang sabog sa leg area. hahaha.

ang haba ng post na to. obvious ba na andami ko kwento. at obvious ba na wala ako makausap whom i can share all my thoughts? sad pero kaya ko to. btw, congrats sa nakatapos basahin tong post na to, kahit scan scan lang. haha. kasi ako pag nakakita ko ng mahabang post BACK ko na kaagad. hahaha…

*******************

cross posted to http://marcvillalva.multiply.com/journal/item/35/outside_pinas

This post is cross-posted in my multiply account.. add mo na ako at dun ka na magcomment kung gusto mo. http://marcvillalva.multiply.com/journal/item/15/10_things_about_Marc

*************************************

Got the idea from my online buddy’s blog. Inggitero ako kaya ginaya ko. After all, he said na itry ko din. Hehehe, kaya eto na ang aking version..

Oh well, its just as simple as typing "<your name> likes to" in any search engine na gusto mo. So if you cerated a web crawler then might as well use your own. Pero in my case, I used my saviour Google. Syempre, as always, search engines give many results so I browsed the first 10 pages then pili, then filter ulit, then pili pa ulit then rambol rambol lang tapos nakuha ko na ang magic 10. Enjoy!

-=_(^_^)_=-  -=_(^_^)_=-  -=_(^_^)_=-  -=_(^_^)_=-  -=_(^_^)_=-

1. Marc likes to tell Jennifer Lopez what she should wear.
*** Gusto ko to. Imagine having power over JLo.

Ya vieron quien llego? Presente! Here we go! Lets get loud!

2. Marc likes to draw on kids just as well as he likes to  ink on the adults.
*** Nako kaya wag kang magpapakita sa mga Marc kasi baka sulatan ka namin, nauubos na ang mga puno kaya sayo na lang!

3. Marc likes to speculate about such things as the various forms of alienation experienced by the uprooted villager, the urban bum, and the neurotic suburbanite.
*** Comon, there you go.. eto na ang tinatagong lalim ng mga Marc sa mundo. Concerns talaga namin yang mga uprooted villagers, urban bums, neurotic suburbanites.. Oh wait, can any Marc explain what are these terms *nosebleed nosebleed*?

4a. Marc likes to look different. At the moment his hair is blond and he has four earrings in his right ear.
4b. Marc likes to look the same as everyone else.
*** Ang mga Marc ay schizo! Yun na! O well, sa magkaibang url ko naman yan nakuha… hahaha. Pinagsama ko lang sa isang item to stress a point… na schizo ang mga Marc!

5. Marc likes to let the air out of his friends tires… then tell them he was just kidding.
*** Naughty! Kumusta naman ang trippings namin. Umm.. kaya nga ba wala ako kotse kasi naniniwala ako sa karma.

6. Marc likes to get comfortable when he shoots people.. it makes the people he’s shooting feel comfortable which leads to better pictures.
*** Kala ko kung anong shoots na yan. Tsk tsk. O well.. boring to. In fairness, isa sa mga frustrations ko ang maging photo journalist. Pero boring talaga ang item na to sa aking magic10.

7. The “end of software,” as Marc likes to call it, deserves something better.
*** Whatttt?? (tonong Bodie)! Hindi ko ito kakayanin!!! Bawal ang end of software kasi pag nawala sila wala na din ako trabaho! Pero the brighter side of this issue is mawawalan na din ako nang sakit sa ulo. Pero sakit sa ulo din ang walang pera, buti na lang sweldo na sa Tuesday!

8. Marc likes to go the mall around Christmas time dressed as Jesus. He’ll pled, "No no no! This is not what it was supposed to be about, people!"
*** Kumusta naman to?! Hahahaha.. Tapos may dala akong napakalaking plakard na nakalagay ‘MAGSISI KAYO SA INYONG KASALANAN, MAGUGUNAW NA ANG MUNDO’.

9. Marc likes to read up on how to improve his sex skills.
*** I love this one.. unang kita ko pa lang naisip ko na isasama ko ito. Hahaha. Im not into reading pero why not read on things that will improve my sex life? Kung nabigla ka dito, wait till you see the next item..

10. Marc likes to watch while I give and enjoy pleasure with another man.
*** O san ka pa? No comment na ako dito!

*****************************
got the idea from my online friend’s blog: http://sexirowr.multiply.com/journal/item/113/chuck_likes_to_10_things

    Immortal line ni Roxanne while talking to her cute nakakaawa looking brother, "Natutulog ba ang Diyos?". Sumagot si totoy, "Ang bigat naman ng tanong mo ate". Si Roxanne ulet na may pasa sa may nguso at puting bondage na may bakas ng dugo na may kasamang baka Betandine "Sabi nila may gustong ituro ang Diyos sa lahat nang nagyayari sa atin.. <more kwento sa buhay nya> ..hindi ba ako naririnig ng Diyos o ayaw nya lang akong pakinggan? Masakit isipin na kahit ang Dyos walang malasakit sa akin."
     Matapos sabihin ang napakabigat na linyang ito ay biniritan sya ni Lani Misalucha, "Wag mo sanang akalain natutulog ba ang Diyos, ang buhay mo ay mayroong halaga sa kanya" <pasok ang bagong commercial ng Neozep, pero mas magaling magaling magaling ang lumang Neozeop commercial>. Dahil pinutol ng patalastas kaya nagsecond the motion ako kay Lani "Sikapin mo, pilitin mong tibayan ang iyong puso. Tanging ikaw ang huhubog sa iyong bukas." Then I realized na napalakas pala ang kanta ko, buti na lang magisa ako sa nakasara kong kwarto.

*******
This is just a part of a couch potato post in my blogsite in multiply.. Read them all at http://marcvillalva.multiply.com/journal/item/13 Dont forget my comments

We met in a very unusual way. Line of attack that I never did in the past. At first I thought this is going nowhere but I was shocked that one day you were already here.

I got to know you and at the same time I opened a part of me that I kept close for a long time for other people. It was because I saw many things we have in common. But I admire you more because of our differences. I was gradually falling. Slowly, not only because I was scared but also because I was not sure what to do. This is my first try.

As the days went by, I felt that we got closer to each other. Though there was no certainty and formality on what we really have, I saw it in the changes and the ways we respond to each other. I remember when you were asking for a date, I was really happy and planned the event. You also said that I am special, though I never savor the sweetness of these words because I was scared of the situation. I don’t want you to leave and I am scared that one day I will not able to feel you.

But there are times that we need to face our fears. I was asking you but you didn’t reply. I kept on trying but you were not moving. I attempted to stay away from you because I don’t want to give myself false hopes. But I just can’t do it, I asked you but then again you did not say a word. Then I decided to put an end to this by giving in to your desire, I gave you one thing you were asking me on the peak of our closeness.

The same time I promised myself to forget you was the same time that I broke the said promise. How can I do that if you came back? You weigh more than a promise. But I saw the changes in you, colder and insensitive. I told this to you but you didn’t give a damn. You always said you are occupied with many things, I just tried to understand. Nakakatanga indeed. I used to hear ewan from you. Now I fully understand the song “Ewan” by APO. I hate ewan. It doesn’t provide security and it is non-sense. Empty!

You changed me. You gave me problems that I don’t use to solve. I even lied to some of my friends because I want to fix what we have before trying to fix the sanctity of friendship that I destroyed with them. There is just one thing that plays in my mind, natuto ako magmahal, natututo akong masaktan at matuto akong lumimot.

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cross posted to multiply
http://marcvillalva.multiply.com/journal/item/8

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
~George Carlin, Brain Droppings, 1997

-=_(’_')_=-

production support. a test of emotion. correct solution for a limited time requires patience and critical thinking. usually24/7. to utilize people, shifting is not an option but a real solution.

day on call. unexpected errors while the sun is up, from user or the application itself, is under your control. problem rises when your client is overseas. worst case is when you’re 12 hours away from your client.

month of may. i’ll be the day oncall. my first time for five straight nights in four straight weeks. i thought this only happens in call centers, but as long as outsourcing is the game played by the company, chances are people will go on shifts.

i’m not a party animal. i’m a social shy-type person (contradicting adjectives). nonsense talking, sharing laughter, and exchanging opinions are things i used to do. no matter how tired i am, i can still afford to go for a coffee, dinner, movie, or even a simple tête-à-tête just to be with my friends.

if ann is worried because of the overflowing IM in this shift, i am worried because this will steal my life. i’m living independently in a small room away from my family and old friends. the rectangular face of my tv is my ally and my desktop is my confidant.

i considered office as my new social training ground. i talk a lot simply because i have no one at home to talk to. i laugh a lot simply because no one at home delivers the same way as they do. i eat a lot simply because no one at home shares a food and table with me. i care and love my officemates so much simply because they give me life, they show me life, and they let me feel how’s life.

now that i’ll be struggling in the world of day on call, i feel that i will lose social life. my partner and I are the only people in our spacious office. having a life is really easy to suggest… but free time could be a luxury so hard to afford.

Reality is a question of perspective; the further you get from the past, the more concrete and plausible it seems — but as you approach the present, it inevitably seems incredible.
-Salman Rushdie

-=_(’_')_=-

Ilang Minutong Malayo sa Realidad

Ilang buwan na din akong nahihilig sa paglalakad. Maraming bagay akong nakikita at naiisip sa tuwing pinagmamasdan ko ang bagay sa aking paligid. Habang tumatagal ay pahaba ng pahaba ang aking nilalakad, palayo ng palayo ang aking nararating.

Matapos manood ng TV ay nagsisimula na ako maglakad. Lumiko sa kanan, tapos sa kaliwa, tapos diretso lang tapos liliko ulit. Ayoko sa shortcut, mas malayo mas gusto ko. Nakakapagod man pero mas fulfilled naman. Dumaan ako sa madalas ko ng daanan pero bigla ko naisipan na lumihis ng landas at tahakin ang kalye na hindi ko pa nalalakaran.

Maraming grupo ng tao sa paligid: nagiinuman, nagsasayawan, nagkakantahan habang may naggigitara, may nagkukulitan at nagliligawan, at meron din naman na tahimik lang. Ang iba sa kanila napansin ang aking pagdaan subalit nakangiti man sila, mas nangibabaw ang pagkamahiyain ko at suplado sa mga taong hindi kilala. Nagpatuloy lamang ako sa paglalakad.

Ang maliit na kalyeng ito lagusan patungo sa JPRizal. Ninais ko nang bumalik pero parang may kung ano na nagyaya sa akin na ituloy ang paglalakad. Ilang hakbang lang ay nakakita ako ng playground. Habang papalapit ay agad ko napuna ang anyong tubig sa paligid, masyado akong natuwa at hindi napansin ang mga upuan at poste ng ilaw na nasa tabi nito. Hindi ang playground kundi ilog ang humila sa akin.

Minsan ko ng nakita ang ilog na ito habang ako’y nasa taxi papunta sa Galeria pero hindi ako nabighani gaya ng pagkakakita ko ngayon. Sinundan ko ang tubig at dahan-dahang tinahak ang kahabaan ng tulay. May puwang pala ang isang ilog sa mabilis na pamumuhay sa Makati. Pansamantala akong tumigil nang marating ko ang dulo. Malungkot man pero lumalalim na ang gabi at nagpasya na ako bumalik.

Sabay sa direksyon ng aking pagbalik ay mga lumulutang na halaman at ilang basura sa ilog na yun. Pinatingkad lamang pala ng mga ilaw sa poste at disensyo ng tulay ang ganda ng ilog sa gabi pero hindi nito natago ang masangsang niyang amoy. Napansin ko ang mga tao sa tapat at nagtaka kung paano nakakayanan ang amoy pero gaya nila, hindi na rin ako nagtatakip ng ilong. Siguro dahil mas nakita ko ang ganda ng ilog o marahil dahil nasanay ako sa amoy. Tuluyan na akong nagpaalam sa ilog pero nangako na ako ay muling magbabalik para bumisita.

Hindi ko na din maintindihan ang pagkahilig ko sa paglalakad. Delikado. Nakakapagod. Pero ang aking paglalakad ay parang paghakbang sa buhay. Habang tumatagal ay ninanais ko na tumuklas ng bagong lugar, ng bagong kaalaman. Habang tumatagal ay ninanais ko na lumayo sa aking nakasanayan, lumayo para marating ang pangarap. Marami pang lugar ang hindi ko nakikita, madami pang bagay ang dapat ko malaman.

Alam ko na may mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sa akin. Pero gaya ng ilog, may mga oras na nangingibabaw ang mabahong amoy kaya hindi agad napapansin ang kanyang ganda. Natatakot akong tahakin ang mga bagong karanasan dahil mas napupuna ko ang baho nito at hindi kaagad nakikita ang kasiyahan na pwedeng idulot nito sa akin. Habang papabalik ako ng bahay ay pabagal ng pabagal ang aking lakad. Hindi dahil sa napapagod na ako pero dahil ayoko pa munang matapos ang ilang minutong malayo ako sa realidad na aking nakasanayan.

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comments?

For every social wrong there must be a remedy. But the remedy can be nothing less than the abolition of the wrong.
- Henry George

-=_(^_^)_=-

Ilang Bloke Lang…

Madaling araw nang ako ay matulog, dahilan kaya lampas tanghalian na ng ako ay magising. Matapos ihanda ang aking pagkain at gawin ang bagay na nakaplano sa araw na iyon ay naghanda na akong lumabas. Isang pagtupad ng pangako sa aking kaibigan na samahan siyang maghanap ng bahay na malilipatan.

Nagabang ako ng taxi at nagpahatid sa Makati Cinema Square. Dahil nandoon na din lang kami kaya sinimulan namin ang paghahanap sa paligid. Ilang minuto lamang ay napagpasyaan niyang maghanap malapit sa kanyang kasalukuyang tinutuluyan. Sa kabilang kalsada ay isang mataong lugar, maraming tambay at mga batang naglalaro sa kalye. Magulo man silang tingnan pero masaya at kumportable sila sa kanilang buhay. Sa kabilang kalye naman ay tahimik, nagtataasan ang mga bahay at mga pinapaupahang units. Maluwag at malinis tingnan ang kalsada dahil wala masyadong tao sa labas. Dalawang magkaibang mundo pero iilang bloke lang ang pagitan.

Madilim na nang maisip namin na sa may lugar naman malapit sa aking bahay maghanap. Sa unang lugar na napuntahan namin ay may kamahalan, siguro dahil malapit na sa business district ng Makati. Malapit na rin lang kaya pinilit nila ako makita ang aking lugar. Nahiya ako dahil hindi ako nakapaglinis. Hindi rin kami nagtagal at naghapunan kami sa may Makati Avenue, tapos nagpasya na silang umuwi. Akala ko ay ito na ang pagtatapos ng araw ng paglalakad sa lugar na hindi ko pa nararating.

Umuwi na ako ng bahay para magpahinga. Nanood ako ng reality show: PBB at replay ng AI. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nahihilig ako sa panood ng reality show. Siguro nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kanila? Siguro dahil natutuwa ako na makita ang reaksyon nila sa bawat pagkatalo, panalo, hirap at sarap sa kanilang ginagawa? Siguro nabubulag akong makita ang realidad sa isang mapagpanggap na mundo ng telebisyon? O marahil dahil ito na lamang ang mga palabas na naabutan ko sa tuwing ako ay umuuwi ng bahay.

******************
Ito ay isang sequel. Ang pangyayari matapos ang nakakapagod na araw na ito ay nasa ‘Ilang Minutong Malayo sa Realidad’. Hanep sa title no!

-=_(^_^)_=-

ito na ang huling araw sa kakaibang schedule ko. madaming nagbago sa body clock ko pero mas higit na nagbago ang mga normal na ginagawa ko sa araw-araw.

noon, takot ako lumabas pag gabi (nag-aadjust pa ako sa paligid) hanggang sa naging tambay na ako sa palibot ng bahay ko bago matulog (nagaabang sa terrace ni shadow) pero ngayon kung saan saan na ako nakakarating sa paglalakad (na aking marijuana).

dati hanggang hatinggabi lang ako sa kalye pero ngayon lumalabas ako kahit madaling araw. lalabas ako kahit anong oras pag gusto ko ng wendy’s frosty, o ng cornetto, o ng eaji at tortillos na may kasamang softdrinks o c2.

wala na akong primetime bida, puro news and current affairs show. gusto ko si mariel dahil nakakatawa sya sa uplate. antena lang ako kaya naman may oras na walang silbi ang aking TV. natapos ko na ang diner dash 3, namaster ko na ang technique sa monopoly, at sawang sawa na ako sa gamehouse at reflexive arcade games.

ang breakfast-lunch-dinner ay napalitan ng brunch-dinner at heavy merienda. ganon pa din ngayon pero may mga araw na dinner-midnightLunch-breakfast ako. nakakasalubong ko si manong balut at kilala na ako ng tindera ng hot pandesal (na masarap pag may dairy cream) sa may kanto.

noon pag pumapasok ako wala ng breakfast meal pero mamaya, kagaya ng nakaraang linggo, e dadaan kami sa mcdo para kumain ng pancake. nakakatawang makitang sumisigaw ng tulong ang nagmamakaawang butter dahil nalulunod na sya sa syrup. pero mas nakakatawang makasalubong ang basang buhok at mababangong tao na nagmamadali samantalang ako ay gulo ang buhok, oily ang skin, at namumula ang mata sa magdamag na pagtitig sa PC.. mistulang adik.

nagpapaalam na ako sa prinsipe ng kadiliman at nagbabalik loob sa mahapding haplos ng summer sa aking balat. sa isang linggo babalik na ako sa medyo normal na oras ng pagpasok. medyo lang kasi para akong kinder na panghapon at gabi umuuwi. kung ano ang mga pagbabago hindi ko alam… pero sigurado ako mamimiss ko ang pagsimba ng 7am, ang pandesal, ang pancake, ang malakas na tunog ng speaker sa opisina dahil wala naman ibang tao kundi ang team ko, at ang prinsipe ng kadiliman at lahat ng hiwagang dala niya.

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walang quote ngayon.. wala ako maisip na bagay sa post na ito.. pangit naman kung ‘kung may tyaga may nilaga’ diba? lolz. ano ba pwede quote dito? update ko na lang pag meron na ako naisip o nakita na pwede

If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking.  Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. 
~Raymond Inmon

-=(’_')=-

… from a complete family
… did well in a private Catholic school
… graduated on-time in one of the quota courses of UP
… just received a special citation in the company he’s working with
So what? Are these things enough to make someone happy? I always thought that the real world will be much bigger than its simulation.

In this simulation, there are different people from different part of the Philippines (and even in the world) with diverse culture and assorted personality. Hierarchy is visible in every corner. Camaraderie within its population was screamed in almost all organization’s preamble. Laws are enforced in the entire member of the community. There are frat wars, rallies, scandals, budget issues, civil rights discussions, and underground activities that could be against once principles, morals, and beliefs. It was infused in our minds that the real world will be much bigger than its simulation.

In this simulation, we are labeled as liberal, critical thinker, and makibaka-sa-kalye type of person carrying placards while shouting. It’s unfair to just see one side of yin yang. We are also known as intelligent people. We managed to see unity among diversity and as much as possible we respect and follow the rules and hierarchy. We have 101 ways on how to party to endure that place, since the real world will be much bigger than its simulation.

For me, survival in this simulation does not require intelligence alone since we are filtered through it from the start. Our staying power will just depend on good set of people, balanced activity, awareness, and excellent time management. But what is happening to me now? I am in an awkward point where I felt that I missed something aside from the olive and coconut leaves that I collected from the academy. Is it because real world will be much bigger than its simulation?

Now I’m in the real world. I thought I’ll get lost in the winding roads of this chaotic place. I thought I’ll be suffocated by lots of people and distressing pile of tasks that will be imposed in my shoulders. I thought I’ll battle against time, combat for skills, and fight for triumph in this crusade of corporate people. But why do I felt so alone in this gigantic empty place? Or is it because I boxed myself in one of its small studio-typed room? Certainly or doubtfully, real world will be much bigger than its simulation.

Right now, I’m into walking. I just realize how this perspiring activity can make me satisfied even for a moment. I used to walk from the office to my apartment and even in the nearby streets during midnight. I walk without any directions and distinct path to follow. I walk to see different people in different places… from those wearing their corporate suit behind the tall buildings of Makati, to the girls in their sexy outfit outside the bars with flashing colorful lights, and group of people in their casual shirts playing with their kids or even just chatting with their friends and neighbors. These are the real casts of the real world.

Walking lightens me up but this consoling activity makes me think a lot. It soothes then upsets. How contradicting! Walking is my marijuana. I can’t stop this addiction. I rather walk and see actual people than lay down and view them from a tube. I wanted someone but I have no one. Someone tangible and interactive!

They say self-pity is a luxury fools indulge in. But there are times that self pity became a tempting luxury we allow ourselves to be overtaken with. Maybe it is too early to judge. I haven’t explored the magic of the real world yet. Never get lost, never been suffocated, and never win a big battle. For nine months I was moving my feet slowly, adjusting to my new world. This time I want to run fast, no limits while breaking the boundaries without hesitations.

I am thinking if this is the perfect time to do this but something in me is holding me back. I am not sure if this is the right key to open this door, but one thing is certain, I’m tired of just using the windows. Sometimes no matter how hard we escape from a thing that we tried to put out of our mind, the more it keeps on hunting us like a ghost. But if we tried to avoid them, it will then be followed by slaving temptation that will just bring too much anxiety and depression. This is too much, I never felt this in its simulation. Real world is not just bigger than the university. It is…